could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
