his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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