He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
