I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
