also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
