it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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