i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
