Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
