Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
