TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
