I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
