Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
