im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
