Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you traded sex for a burrito?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
