Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
