Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
