I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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