YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
