to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
