high people should be assigned attendants
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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