And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
