You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
