That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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