They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
PANTIES FOUND
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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