Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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