Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
