even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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