I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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