yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I need to sanitize my soul.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
