i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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