she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
