Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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