you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
