I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
