just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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