this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
