I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
