Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
