Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
