you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
