Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
