I got her a Nickelback box set.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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