my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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