i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
