What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
