Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
