I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
