Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
cat food counts as protein by the way
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I didn't notice because vodka
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
