I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
