I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
