My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
