How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
