worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
