Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
