the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
