one two three fourrrrnication!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
