Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
