I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
