just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
