i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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