Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
