hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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