this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
