maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
