Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you had me at cake vodka
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
