if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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