I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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