i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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