Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
