Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize