is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
