He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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