Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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