Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
